Most of you have probably already seen this, but I just got it from one of my friends.
LEGIT: Is anybody competing this weekend? Agility, conformation, rally, flyball, obedience, carting, luring, tracking, or whatever else you compete it.
Dog Show Rules to Live By
1. Never win too much. Make sure you loose regularly. People “like” losers. It’s much easier too be supportive of the “loser” than it is the “winner”.
2. For goodness sake don’t have a good breeding program. If you produce good dogs on a regular basis people will pick apart your breeding and then tell you later “how far you’ve come from when you started”. Of course they will forget all the dogs you’ve finished because you couldn’t possibly have a breeding program as good as theirs.
3. Do not have an opinion. Not on anything. Not even the weather. People do not like people who have opinions. Especially if your opinion might be right. If someone asks your opinion ask them what they had for lunch.
4. Always remember that AKC Judges are God. Kiss their butts regularly. Tell them how good they look. Ask them if they’ve lost weight or if they have been on vacation because that tan they are sporting just makes them look so healthy.
5. If you are interested in your National Breed Club join it before anyone knows who you are. And once you join make sure you volunteer to do anything from parking cars to picking up dog poop. Just do it and smile and let the Clubs use you until you think you have nothing left to give and then go volunteer for more.
6. Always support every request for donations. Give these people money until you realize that you’ve reached into your pockets so much that you now have holes in them.
7. Do not ever discuss another dog with another single individual. Not even your mother. People do not like people who can critique a dog and do it in a way that references their breed standard. So do not on penalty of death ever say a word about any other dog. If anyone asks you just smile and tell them that it was the most impressive dog you have ever seen even as it’s limping out of the show ring.
8. Do not make friends. This is the primary rule of survival in the this sport. So keep this one close to you at all times because even the people you believe to be your friends will grab a wet towel and twist it up and snap you on the butt just too keep you in line.
9. Do not even think that you know how to groom your dogs. Do not even dare to advise anyone how to groom a dog. If someone asks lie to them and tell them you just throw them in the bathtub and let them dry off on their own and then just shake your head a lot. Then shrug your shoulders and act like you are a complete imbecile when it comes to grooming. If they comment on how good the dog looks thank them and say you don’t know how it happened and you wished it happened more often.
10. And the primary rule is never tell the truth. Lie as often as you can to anyone who will listen. Tell them exactly what they want to hear so that when they walk away from you they are smiling and telling everyone else how smart you are to realize how smart they are.
11. Never ever ever let anyone think that you have come all the way in this sport on your own. Give everyone else the credit for your success and stand there like you have your thumb up your butt while you blow the hot air up their skirt. No one likes anyone who succeeds on their own so pretend like you owe everybody for your achievements. Heck act like they were in the maternity ward when you were born.
Keep all those rules and then just smile a lot and nod at everyone and you’ll end up being treated like the smartest person in your breed and the village idiot at the same time.
Expertise
May 8, 2010 at 12:37 am
Add-Don’t cuss & discuss “that fat fugly swaybacked black bitc-h that Blah Blah has been hauling around lately” in front of the waitresses….they don’t know you’re talking dogs.
Erika ♥♥ Luv My Labs ♥♥
May 8, 2010 at 1:32 am
Legit – Guinness has Obedience. Crossing fingers – it’s our first!
Love the rules………..
∞CHAO§∞-Bulldogs are NOT Mutants
May 8, 2010 at 2:18 am
Ha Ha Ha, those rules are funny, but I am sure many people would follow them. Although I do know someone that violated Rule # 4. The judge had asked her to move her dog a little faster (a bulldog), and she refused saying thats not how a bulldog is to be shown, while that maybe true (I don’t know how fast she was moving her dog beforehand) you don’t say that to a judge, they judge was pissed and almost called a bench hearing on her, someone talked her out of it. The girl is about my age, but I am pretty sure her mom was not with her like most of the time.
Legit- Nope it’s break time, no shows in my area that have majors during this time. And my girl is in her last week of heat so no obedience. Two of my bulldogs will not be coming back out till the put on some weight.
baree33090
May 8, 2010 at 2:51 am
For some reason, those rules remind me of the writing style from Catch-22. Funny stuff!
Legit: Unforunately none of my dogs do any competition, although if I was going to compete with my golden retriever, we’d be doing flyball!
BYBs Care For Money Not Dogs
May 8, 2010 at 3:37 am
LOVE IT!!
Might I add 2 T shirts I have seen at dog shows:
Winners B*tch
…but you should hear the losers.
and:
A bad day at a dog show is always better than a good day at work!
Legit: No competitions for me and my kids till I get another job!
Animal Artwork & The Brat
May 8, 2010 at 3:56 am
LOL @ Expertise – A friend and I were 86′d from a restaurant for discussing the hot black b*tch with the legs (Chow). Unfortunately, an attractive black woman and her boyfriend happened to overhear and no, they didn’t want to hear our explanation.
I’m heading for a show in an hour or two. Not bringing any of my dogs with me – being hauled along and paid to groom… and I don’t even have to bathe/dry the dog. Apparently the hope for the dog to get his major is resting on… me? I’m both honored and a lil worried… LOL. Seems I broke rule #9 – *le sigh*.